Modest Goddess ♔ Vicarious Vixen

Read the Printed Word!

Fun fact: I found out that the terrible roommate that I let into my home was arrested twice before moving in, one while living there, and now again since he’s moved out. I had no knowledge of this before yesterday…

Terribly Embarrassing/TMI Moment

Little bit of a back story. So, I’ve been having trouble with my car recently and I’ve brought it home so my dad can have a look at it. This means I’m staying the night in my parents house in the guest bedroom.

Well, my boyfriend and I were talking all steamy-like right before bed, so I felt the need to…let off some of that steam. I decide to go and watch some…adult videos…but my father comes and knocks on my door. At first it’s really easy to just conceal myself under the covers, mute the video, and say a quick goodnight to my father. Well, that was the first time.

Another little back story, I just got a new laptop and there’s a volume control on the side of it, but the…up is…down…and the…down is…up. Yeah, you know where this is going. So, my dad comes in to give me a gift from his MISSION TRIP TO GUATEMALA (my parents are conservative Christian), and I thought I had at least tuned down the video. I HADN’T! FULL ON MOAN MODE FROM THIS DAMN VIDEO. So, I tried to mask it by acting disgusted and saying, “EW. OH! OH MY GOD, WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM?!” My dad says, “Yeah, you gotta be careful about the internet.” I AM FUCKING MORTIFIED! So, I try harder to cover it up by going, “Oh…oh, it’s from tumblr. Sometimes they- they post bad…things.”

We move on to me chatting with him about the gift he got me, my cheeks burning like molten lava, and me deep down knowing he knew I was lying because my…undies were on the floor beside the bed.

My psychology professor basically makes us summarize every a chapter each week as our homework. Three weeks in and I’m completely burnt out and haven’t learned a thing from the class. It’s not that I’m not trying, because I devote SO much time to my homework. I do not see how making us skim through the book and write essays for each chapter helps. Not to mention that it’s usually about eight pages of text each assignment that I’m always scrabbling to finish all while making sure other classes are not neglected.

Community college is really a joke, people.

Nothing like yet another day in the relationship that sparks an argument because one or both related parties are miserable with their lives.

I hate the never ending stereotype that actors and actresses don’t have a “real job.”

So, I had a crush on this guy in high school who turned me down because he had feeling for another girl. However, now he’s dating someone that looks a lot like me…?

I have never felt more insignificant and unimportant in my life.

The process and headache that students are put through simply to get financial help isn’t worth it! No wonder people opt out of the college experience all together!

I’ve been treated like I’m lesser than a “regular student” each time I try to ask advice from the financial aid office, I’ve had forms rejected without anyone telling me WHY they were sent back to me, I’ve called several times trying to get answers and receiving none, I’ve been treated as if I am just an unintelligent nimrod (I’ve asked TONS of questions because this is my first year being able to get financial aid), even my “advisor” “answered” my question and hung up on me, and the one time I had the chance to see them in person, I was treated disrespectfully and basically dealt with and pushed off.

It almost isn’t worth going to college anymore, but my father has put so much time, effort, and money into my education, I can’t just throw it away.

Apparently I get pissed off at my boyfriend for “having a life” because I’m miserable with my miserable life and lack of friends and hobbies.

What he doesn’t realize is he’s basically the only companion I have because I’m too shy to make more friends.


so hyped on the fifty shades of grey movie. super stoked for idealizing unhealthy dom/sub relationships. totes amped for the glorification & romanticization of controlling boyfriends. hella excited for the normalization of abusive relationships. fucking pumped tbh.

What really sucks about it is there’s a healthy way to have a dom/sub relationship, but because this poorly written glorified fanfiction has made it’s way to the mainstream, women and men out there now have the wrong idea on the entire relationship.

It’s such a shame that such a poorly written piece of crap has taken up our pop culture when I’m more than sure that there is an author out there who can, and will, write novels about HEALTHY, seductive, trusting, and great BDSM relationships.

It’s really just such a shame. I feel like this entire popularity of this rag is a step back in the feminist movement. It’s bullshit. I’m really pissed about this.

Now that I think about it, anyone have any recommendations on GOOD BDSM novels? That way when people talk about Fifty Shades of Ridiculous, I can have better books for their poor, abused minds.

(via mightywordsastoundme)

So, I follow so many people on here and many follow me as well.

I’d like to chat with all of your more often.

Basically, I’m taking anons and non-anons for the rest of forever.

Ask me anything…please.



AHHH!!! I’M SO HAPPY!!! Gonna watch it RIGHT NOW!

Life of an actor is not all lights camera and action.

If you don’t know, I’m an actress. I’ve known what I’ve wanted to do since I was a child. However, I never thought it would be an uphill battle with very little payoff.

When you’re on your own, there’s so much that you can do without the thought of others. Now that I’m in a relationship and have two cats, it’s not very easy just to pick up and go like I’d want to. I love my boyfriend and adore my cats, but I’ve had to rethink opportunities because of our life together. 

My aunt and uncle have so graciously offered for me to move in with them so that I can focus on my career while saving up money to move somewhere I can be successful. The bad news is my boyfriend (and more than likely my cats) will be getting the short end of the deal.

Now, if we weren’t currently living together, I could somehow manage to deal with the five hour distance that would be separating us. We’ve built a life together, though, at the tender ages of 21 and (soon to be) 24. I was born and raised in the buckle of what’s considered the “Bible Belt,” so majority of my family is very much so religious. If this tells you anything, my sister and brother-in-law refused to let both of us stay the night with them under the same roof because we weren’t engaged or married. The point here is since he’s not my husband, the living invitations would only apply to be and my non-existent husband. No negotiating allowed. I’ll get to live with my family rent free while my devoted boyfriend will be saddled with my two cats and a hefty $900 bill each month.

Where we currently live, it’s the most desirable price of $305 a month for EVERYTHING, and we’re still struggling to make end’s meet. I live paycheck to paycheck, and it’s getting to the point where he does, too. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, “Why not just let him stay here, get a better job, and join me once I can stand on my own?” We talked about that and it seems we couldn’t deal with the distance. We live in a town where I’ve exhausted all petty job opportunities and where there are no viable career options for either of us. Either way, we need to move.

Something tells me I’m going to have to make a very difficult decision sooner than I thought I would have to.

People keep telling me happiness is a state of mind. People keep asking me why I’m not happy, why I won’t be happy until I achieve what I want to do. Why I can’t find things to do, hobbies to fill the time. Why I can’t save money up to put towards all these things.
I’m in my own way.

School is holding me down. I’m not saving money because I can’t! I barely scrape by! Even when I had THREE jobs it wasn’t possible. The one week I said, screw it, and auditioned for a movie being filmed an hour or so away, I was hit with a huge pay cut and almost wasn’t able to pay my bills that month.

My generation has lost the idea of following our dreams because it’s become such a challenge to survive, that our dreams have become the ability to survive.

However, I want so much more than just to survive. I need to perform. I need that release. I don’t want to go to school. I’ve never wanted to go to college, but it’s become such a requirement that I can’t avoid it. I also can’t dream of moving to a city where I can both go to school and follow my dreams because the bill would kill me. I can’t pull out loans because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to pay those off even if I “made it big” in the arts, because the arts don’t get paid nearly enough today.

I’m stuck! I’m stuck in a town that couldn’t care less about my career. A town that I can barely get by in. A town I can’t get out of because I’m too busy dreaming of a day where I’ll be able to survive on my own. A town where I have literally two friends. A town where everyone but me is making progress in his/her career.

That’s my I’m not happy. I could settle, I could be comfortable, but I refuse.

I wonder what it’s like to have a boyfriend who actually considers the time he spends with you fun and not a chore or something he’s obligated to do until that duty is over and he can go have fun doing “the one thing he does to have fun.”