11:59 PM
“Falling Slowly,” Once: The Musical
Bonjour,
It’s been months since I posted something personal, but it’s because there’s been so much going on.
College has been overwhelming as hell, and I’m so entirely happy that it’s almost over. I didn’t do as well as I wanted, but it’s over, and I swear to myself that I’ll do better next year.
I’ve been job hunting because I was recently fired from my job. You see, college has been so overwhelming that it interfered with my punctuality, thus causing me to be late to work. I was late one too many times, I guess, so they let me go. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do, who is going to hire someone that has been fired? I’d love to tell them my side of the story, but due to the shitty people in the world, who is going to believe me? It’s whatever, I’ll figure it out. I can’t wait until my passion is my career.
As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been in an interesting mood for a while now. I live alone and I hardly know anyone, so it’s hard not to feel lonely at night when there’s no one to talk to. There have also been a few personal things going on in my life that haven’t been helping my emotional situation. More than anything, I want someone’s arms around me, I want to be someone’s first choice, someone’s everything. Fuck, I want to be loved by someone that isn’t required to do so. I look around and see all these happy couples, and it makes me sick.
As for theatre and such, there is none. I used to be able to put all this shit that I’m feeling into my shows, use it as motivation and such, but since there is nothing to be involved in here, it’s all bubbling over into my life. Theatre is my escape, and I’m currently trapped.
I’ve severely neglected my pen pals, and I apologize to all of them for being such a bad pen pal. I like to write when I’m in a good mood, and when I’m not busy, but neither of those situations have been present in my life. I promise to write all of you as soon as possible, and I haven’t forgotten about any of you. You’re all amazing, and I hope you don’t hate me.
However, despite what’s going on, I’ll be just fine, things could be so much worse than they are. I’ll find a summer job, I’ll do better in school, and I’ll find an outlet for all this shit I’m feeling. As for my love life, well, I don’t know when that ever will improve, and I’m giving up. I’m done looking for someone, if there’s someone out there that wants me, they’ll have to make it known because I’m done getting my heart broken. Sure, it’ll still sting to watch others fall in love, to watch people experience the one feeling I desire over anything else, but I can’t wait around forever, I can’t dwell on something that’s not going to happen, someone that doesn’t want me the way I want them.
Thus far, that’s “The Story of My Life…” Jamie Alex











